| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2005|07:46 pm] |
Happy Birthday to Chris and David1 i hope you both have wonderful days. things are good in greece.
i had EDFD 203, which is Child and Adolescent Development, an education
class. mrs. mcclarty, the wife of
Bruce mcclarty, is the teacher. she is
very nice, and i think i will like the class. then, i had humanities
270, which we all have. it is a western civilization course. mrs.
myhan teaches that class. she is one of the directors of HUG. then, i had an hour off before
chapel, so rachel and i went to the patio and wrote in our journals. chapel was outside becasue it is warm and dry today, then lunch. very good food so far.
after an orientation meeting, rachel and i got money from an ATM in
town and walked to the seaside. we put our feet in and i picked up a
few [pretty rocks. its very cold water, like Lake Huron. we went to a
coffee shop tpp and ordered frappes, which are ice coffee drinks. but
when i ordered, he asked me a question in english wiht his thick accent
and i got nervous and responded in french. rachel said thats normal
because she does it in russian too. it was funny. the coffee was
good, adn the walk to the boardwalk was beautiful. there are
rosebushes everywhere, all differnt colors. and we found a fig tree,
an aolive tree, some grape trees, and a date palm. there were snails
hanging off all the bushes. also, i saw some bogainvillea and some
other flowers from home. the vegetation is like home, just not hnte
mountains. well, dinner is in a few minutes, so i will write again soon. hope everything is good at home.
Julie |
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| yay for no grammar rules on the internet! |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|12:47 am] |
i've actually done some things this week to get ready for school. ok, so not lots of things, mostly shopping with christine, but we had fun. and my brother got me the funniest shirt : Arkansas, Literacy aint Everything. i will show it to you at school jess. hmm, i finished Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. its so good, i really want to go to Savannah now and see all the places i read about. soon i must clean and pack and start reading for Garners class.
i was thinking about something while watching a not-that-great movie, The Thing Called Love. its ok, good music i thought, ok storyline. anyway, i realized how different a voice sounds when someone is smiling. you can really hear it when someone is singing and they are smiling, or even talking and smiling. and that is one thing that is great, even if everything else sucks. i love that sound.
i am going to miss everyone here. i will miss christine so much. and fran. and my whole youth group. i love them so much. but alas, or a lass(as chris said), life keeps going, frightening as that may be, and i will jsut have to keep going on with it.
this weekend my family is going to the west coast of FL for a few days, very fun. i love fishing, and we always fish alot when we go there. its my favorite place to go, we stay right on the beach in this crumb-y efficiency apartment and just swim all day and go to their funny little goodwill and buy little antiques. so i will not be on here for awhile, and then probly not at all once i'm at school. i think that discontinuing this will be much more healthy for me anyway. i always keep my own written journal anyway, so both is too much work. and this year is the year i am going to work on actually expressing my feelings verbally to other people. 'twill be amazing, i'm sure. |
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| julie, the amazing sociologist |
[Aug. 2nd, 2004|04:35 pm] |
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i've found something interesting. someone please tell me if it actually has any relevance. when girls, well, girls that i know, myself included, are aggravated by males in general, we talk about how stupid they are. i have observed, however, that men tend to call women crazy rather than stupid. i dont konw that i have ever referred to a male as crazy because he was frustrating, i skip straight to dumb, stupid, silly, well, i guess i have said "out of his mind". hmm. comments as to the relevance of this pseudo-study? |
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| my bed and i.... |
[Aug. 1st, 2004|11:41 pm] |
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i think i must be prematurely aging or something. i am exhausted and its not even midnight. this is has been like this the last few days. dont know why i am so tired. saw The Village.....creepy weird. babysat....money. taught Sunday school without killing the children. a productive weekend i think. must go. o jessica, new shoes! yay. must sleep i think so not so droooowsy. |
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| news brief of sorts--not that my life is ever news-worthy |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|03:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hmm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | philmore and alanis | ] |
well
here is an update on the active part of my life, that which occurs outside the confines of my mind. on saturday i babysat the wonderful little girls again and again thought on how i wanted to raise lots of kids till they were like 3, cuz they'd still be sweet and wonderful. then i went with katie to dinner(very good) at firehouse subs, and then i saw my christina in her play, Fiddler on the Roof. she was so good. and other than the fact that that all the main characters find people to love and end up poor but so much in love, i really enjoyed the play. at one point i kinda screwed myself because during the play i looked at katie and said "o i love the guy from Kiev. i just need a guy from russia." and then i almost wanted to stab myself. the little kids in the show did a really amazing job. and then it was cool cuz lots of ppl from church had come to see christina and so she changed out of her fruma sarah costume and we went out and saw I, Robot. i liked it very much. i am still sorta frightened of anything mechanized. and will smith has a very good trainer i think. yes he must. so then slept over at katie's which is always fun. and church was good except i had to do the nursery so i missed the preacher who came to try out. things were more ok with him. things are getting progressively more ok.
so then monday we went to the Evanescence concert which was SO fun. i was not that excited about it, especially considering the company and the current craziness, but beth is really into hard rock music and we rocked and danced lots. and i made friend with a semi-drunk guy. he was really cool though, we were talkign about music, like soundgarden and pearl jam and alice in chains. we saw him later; he had somehow lost his shirt and he was still very friendly. haha. jedidiah's hair is red. dark red, but still red. hehe. so the concert was good with no injuries and i really liked breaking benjamin and 3 days grace. and the pot in the air didnt even get us high. dropped off jedidiah, then home to katies. beth and i talk like the world is ending, for real. til 6 am. then we slept til noon. very fun. so then i did not much of anything yesterday and today. almost done with a book christine loaned me. its called How the Light Gets In. its pretty good, i like it, but its not like a classic or anything. i could have written it. then i must read my books for HNRS 204. fun fun. so today i am gonna shop for school stuff and then church and then tomorrow more babysitting. twill be ok, i will be paid for my pain.
the inactive part of my life, that which occurs over and over in my mind, is getting progressively more healthy, except for that fact that it will not go away. beth told me i was real dumb to pray for patience a few months ago. but i need it. and so i am getting it. i've done a lot of praying lately which has been good. and singing on my backporch which i'm sure is confusing to the neighbors. so if i can try to get to a place where i can be his friend, and like, a real friend, then that would be really good. thats about all for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|11:34 pm] |
I AM 36% EMO!  Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks. |
very sad results. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2004|02:06 pm] |
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rachel martin is married now. i killed a spider for her two months ago as she clung to the wall outside her dorm room. we laid in bed and giggled the last day at school. she is married. i dont even pay taxes yet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|02:02 am] |
this is the quote i wanted to find earlier today but didnt have time to look for. incidentally, i went to fran's dinner party tonight and had a really great time. if i just keep doing lots of things then hopefully i can stop thinking about what i am always thinking about anyway.
everyone in the world should read this book btw, but then i have already made everyone who looks at this lj read this book.
" i guess what i'm saying is that this all feels very familiar. but its not mine to be familiar about. i just know that another kid has felt this. this one time when its peaceful outside, and you're seeing things move and you dont want to and everyone is asleep. and all the books you've read have been read by other people. and all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people.. and that girl thats pretty to you is prety to other people. and you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great becuase you are describing unity.it's like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands and you feel so happy for them. and other times you see this same couple, and they make you so mad. and all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy too."
the perks of being a wallflower
julie |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|01:48 am] |
Fran to me: God would want you to vote. and he would want you to vote for Kerry.
thanks for the spiritual advice, fran. |
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| spinning back into my wallflower ways |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|02:33 pm] |
honesty has an aftertaste that the memory cannot quite place. like you wake up from the most real you've been in a long time and you cant tell right from left. or right from wrong. and i have been doing lots of lots of thinking, and that is usually less healthy for me. i keep reading these books and hearing these songs and i realize that the people who are the kind of emotionally whacked that i am handle their problems with drugs and alcohol. and i always thought that these were just the extreme cases, like Charlie, but i have come to realize that on every show on every movie, you express your total pain by slamming the shotglass on the bar one last time, then fade to black. which is sad. and then i look around and see that everyone is living defensively, not trying to do alot, just trying not to screw up. and that means that all the heroes are gone.
and now i know that i am about to do what i always do. and as much as i want to stop it, i dont know that i can. i will say that i am comfortable when i am not. i will smile alot. i will laugh less. i will pull away from this person in my life because i am afraid that at one point, he will deem me less than necessary. and i will not make jokes with him as much, for fear that he will think i'm pushing the relationship card too hard. and in turn, i will do what i did a few months ago. i will giggle with everyone else. and i will find someone new to be like this with, i will poke someone else, because then i can slowly work him out of my life. and even though i said that i didnt know if i could ever cut him out of my life, i know that it is not true. i know that everyone could be cut out if i wanted them to be. because i just dont let anyone get close enough to me to be a required part of me. and i fear that the tears i've shed were just the first step in getting him out of my system.
and i also know that what christine said a few days ago is true. that neither of us have ever forgotten how we felt about anything, ever. we can go back to a single day in middle school or high school and relive the feelings so much that we are in that same physical and emotional state we were in then. and because we do this, we have to dim all the emotions so that nothing flares up and becomes uncontrollable. and now my ranting has led me to the issue of control. i am no longer in control of this relationship. i have to wait for him. and rather than waiting, my inclination is to run. strange how those sentences just proved to me that patience and the need to be in control are so closely linked. well i am done now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
yeah
so my life is in shambles. luckily i am currently getting paid to watch cartoons with two little girls who want to play with my hair and tell me stories. other than starting at 8 am every morning, its a great job. and other than the fact that i nearly cry during animated movie romances and commercials, i am doing much better than on monday. we'll just have to see what life has in store for me i guess. patience, prayer, lots of faith in God knowing what he's doing. i am going to watch alot of movies tonight since the rain is not permitting me to go to church. o no, i'm watching george on seinfeld get a date, must change channel, must go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|12:02 am] |
I Know
So be it, I'm your crowbar
If thats what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I dont know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I'll know, I'll know
And you can use my skin
To bury your secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
i'll know, I'll know
Baby-I can't help you out, while she's still around
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you'll consider this-even if it dont make sense
All the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's ok, dont need to say it
Fiona |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2004|03:42 pm] |
Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla
so based on seven questoins with answer choices that werent the best, i have once again been categorized.
went shopping yesterday for about 5 hours, very fun, and actually i didnt even break the bank. at nordstrom this week, the oldest women on earth are buying the most beautiful shoes ever made during the anniversary sale. so unfair. but then, they have the money for the manolos, so i guess masel tov! rented another six movies for six more days: Pi, Casablanca, Rebel Without a Cause, The Usual Suspects, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and Searching For Bobby Fisher. Last week was Memento, A Clockwork Orange, The Manchurian Candidate, Ordinary People, Gandhi, and Being John Malkovich. All very interesting. Dont watch A Clockwork Orange with the family, or anyone for that matter: kinda(very) graphic but a good movie. going out tonight wiht some friends, and tomorrow too. then friday fran is having a dinner party, very exciting, and the keys trip with the youth group. i am officially done with the plants and the bird!! well thats all today. |
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| sometimes i'm nauseous...like now |
[Jul. 10th, 2004|05:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
well, i've been doing alot of nothing but hope to go thrift-store shopping soon with fran and christine &co. i saw Once Upon A Time in Mexico, not that great, and The Butterfly Effect, which was very very good. I have a new book to read, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, and i have applied to work at Starbucks, which inevitably will not happen. i have been trying to find my goals, you know, those things i used to have which i have most certainly misplaced over the last year. i wish i were going to camp next week but alas, the job i thought i would have has disabled that notion. i dont think i make any impact anywhere anymore, which is disconcerting. so, i will hopefully try to refocus myself and get something really useful done this year.
being an english major, i find it is quite sad that i cannot express myself to other human beings, especially those who are most important to me. christine and i have commiserated, both being this kind of person, able to rant and rave about any obscure topic but quite frightened to say anything of any value to anyone close to us. i hate being pathetic. when you are pathetic in this way you either rely on the bravery of others or the greater pathetic-ness of all others involved, that way, in the twisted and unclear world that is your life, you are in control, albeit pathetic useless control. and so, the fact that you do not express yourself is an amazing act of control, because you dont think you can get hurt if you never tell anyone anything. quite a plan. and it works for a long time, because just generally people are pathetic and dont usually talk about anything of any substance, the precise reason that we have entertainment and also celebrity gossip, or actually jsut gossip in general. its much easier to talk all about other people. but then eventually, one of those great people who you have either held under your thumb because they are expressive to you with out you having to be expressive to them, or who has held you by your thumb because you are quite scared of expressing things to them, or both, as life would generally dictate, one of these people scoops up all their bravery, as you most certainly are too pathetic to do, and goes out into the world and expresses themselves, which completely throws off your "waiting and seeing" mentality. so then you suck. yep yep yep. so in the usual process, a person such as me (I?) now must decide whether to speak her mind (o yeah sure, that will happen) or basically alienate herself from this brave person, but obviously, as always, not in an obvious way because that would take away from the status quo control that this person such as I is going for to begin with. so mostly, a person like this just starts listening more and talking less, smiling more and laughing less, being quite calm and wallowing in crappyness. well, i guess i'm done.
in other news, i held the bird today. such an exciting and glamorous life... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|11:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | everclear: the world of noise, their first CD | ] |
nothing to do, so i'm on the internet again. dave eggers is coming out with a new book, which you know is exciting for me. i love him. he'd be an awesome Christian i think, but he's got a lot of bohemian in him. its a hard balance.
http://www.armchairnews.com/freelance/eggers.html |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|05:15 pm] |
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i just realized how ADD i sound in most of my posts. i'm an english major; i guess i should work on my transitions, huh? |
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| happy july first |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | West Side Story | ] |
i think i am going to take some kind of magic sleeping potion so i go to sleep at a decent hour tonight, as in like right now. this sleeping thing is becoming very unhealthy. not much news right now. a large part of my youth group is going to leave for like 2 weeks on sunday--sarasota urban missions for a week then camp--so church will be different. jedidiah will still be here, but then thats a whole other story huh? i happily water plants every morning and then do very little. i need a new book to read, any suggestions? have you finished player piano yet? if you have, you have to tell me what you thought of it. oh and on an unrelated note, are you sending rachel something for a wedding present? i have no idea what to send, she never called me back, so i have no idea whats going on withher except that she is getting married. well i think i am going to go put my life in binders for awhile. love you dear |
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